Corrupt a Wish (forum game)

Granted, but they're the Twilight series.

I wish for an excellent new year.

Granted, but they say the world will end this year :/

I wish for... internet connection while I'm on holidays.

Granted, but it costs 100 dollars a minute.

I wish for a good new sci-fi book.

Granted. It features sparkly vampires wearing 70's clothing and white suit jackets.
I wish I could teleport.

Granted. You accidentally teleport into a wall.

I wish I could remember my Spore password.

Granted but your computer shuts down on you unexpectly cause of a thunderstorm.

I wish I had a Venus Fly Trap to get rid of unwanted flies.

Granted. It somehow bites your finger off.

I wish they'd make another Spore expansion.

Granted. But your computer can't handle it and explodes.

I wish, that after I'm dead I can communicate to people through texts.

Granted. Text messaging loses its popularity shortly after you die, so nobody sees what you have to say.

I wish I was a Pug.

Granted. But no one wants to adopt you.

I wish I could be a dragon.

Granted, but you have to stay inside because you don't have any nice sweaters to wear and it's chilly outside.
I wish Talvox weren't dying in a bit of boiling lava while spikes pierce his heart.

Granted; his fate was passed on to you for your benevolence and care for him :3

I wish aliens actually invaded the Soviet Union in the 1940's.

Granted. They killed us once they were through with the Soviets.

I wish my computer had a "Forgot your password?" option.

Granted. But you forgot your password once you clicked on it, and it didn't help you get a new one.

I wish I had Skyrim.

Granted, but an hour into the game, you are killed by pushing a pot into a corner. two more hours later, you are killed by a falling dragon skeleton, then, almost immediately after you load the auto-save, you are launched to the moon by an angry giant. You then ragequit.

I wish for a train simulator that actually has realistic crash mechanisms. ('cuz hey, why else would you play a train sim for anyway?)

They're so realistic you get wiplash and your neck snaps on the back of your chair. D:
I wish I could have a friendly pet eel.

Granted. The eel zaps you every time you touch it, and sometimes when you don't touch it.

I wish I had better video recording software.

Granted, it's so advanced that the FBI breaks into your home, knocks you unconsious and steals your computer.

I wish it would get colder and snow.

Granted. And thus begins the 2nd Ice age.

I wish we had better Space technology.

Granted. We develop antimatter technology, but accidentally lose control of it and the Earth gets vaporized.

I wish I had a glass of water.

Granted. That glass of water gave you severe diarrhea, and it also floods the entire planet, because you spilled a drop of it.

I wish I could be the first person to Mars.

Granted. You are also the first to discover that Martians really exist.

I wish I knew how spilling a drop of water could flood the planet.

Your wish has been made but now you caused the planet to flood, wiping out all life as we know it.

I wish I could re-animate objects to life.

Granted. But you accidentally raise a zombiehord that eats all living beings.
I wish to be able to create paradoxes. Example; Kill my grand-grand-grand-grand father without myself perish.

Granted. But you you look different, not to mention you're now the opposite gender.

I wish I knew where Area 51 is.