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Top posting users this week

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 Jokes

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Gelatino95
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Jul 23, 2011 4:09 am

Nice science joke. And I think it's called Noble Gas, not Nobel Gas.
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Jul 23, 2011 5:21 am

Whoops XP
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Gelatino95
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Sep 10, 2011 5:49 am

A guy died and went to heaven. Upon entering, the first thing he saw was an immense wall covered in clocks. Curious, he asked St. Peter, "What are all these clocks for?"

"Oh, those are lie clocks. There's one clock for each person who has ever lived. The hands move every time the person lies. See here, George Washington's clock. The hands have never moved. Your own clock, here. The hands have moved quite a bit over your lifetime. Not too much, of course."

The man looked at the wall and asked, "Can I see George W. Bush's clock?"

St. Peter replied, "Oh, we don't keep his clock on this wall. Jesus uses it as a ceiling fan."

(Joke taken from Missingno. Master, the world's best author)
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sun Sep 11, 2011 10:08 pm

Did you hear the one about the mime?

Neither did I.
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Thu Oct 06, 2011 12:11 am

Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.

Chuck Norris can beat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris can stand in a bottomless pit.
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Thu Oct 06, 2011 1:18 am

Triple post, lol?

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Thu Oct 06, 2011 1:22 am

Who started this whole Chuck Norris thing, anyway?
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Thu Oct 06, 2011 1:30 am

[quote=]Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.[/quote]

LOL

Quote :
Chuck Norris can beat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Anyone can do that by not hitting the tennis ball hard enough for it to come back.

[quote]Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice.[/quick]

LOL

Quote :
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

The answer is always Zero, so we can all do that.

Quote :
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Erm... lol?

Quote :
Chuck Norris can stand in a bottomless pit.

LOL



I know loads of jokes, all of which are worse than these.
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Thu Oct 06, 2011 1:46 am

Chuck Norris's blood was found to be the fifth phase of matter.
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Gelatino95
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Thu Oct 06, 2011 2:37 am

Vektrix wrote:
Quote :
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

The answer is always Zero, so we can all do that.
No, that's only if you divide zero by something. It's impossible to divide anything by zero. Look it up before Lazer starts ranting.

Lots o' math:
 

The big Boss wrote:
Triple post, lol?
Well, in my defense, they were several days apart. I can't help it if people aren't posting.
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Thu Oct 06, 2011 2:50 am

Now to begin my rant on why we can't divide by zero. First- Oh wait. I started ranting about math again. MY MATH SKILLS ARE TOO POWERFUL FOR MY GRADE*. Lol. Those Chuck Norris jokes where too Chuck Norrisy for my taste. How about some good old Quantum Physics Jokes?

There is nothing wrong with the Schroedinger's Cat experiment! You aren't
actually killing the cat until you measure it... When the Humane Society
comes up and looks into your box, you can rest assured that the cat's death
is their fault...

I told someone once that they should write a children's book outlining the basic principles to quantum physics.
It could be called:

The Cat in the Hat Box
By Dr. S

He promptly responded by saying:
Yes, then we could write a sequel:

The Cat in the Hat Box Returns (or does it?)
By Dr. S

Heisenberg is driving down the road and is pulled over by a cop.
When the officer asks him if he knew how fast he was going, Heisenberg responed by saying, "No officer, but I know exactly where I am!"

Ahhh...Quantum Physics jokes. I'm reading "The Elegant Universe" right now...Brian Greene is simply amazing at making things easy to understand.

*My math teacher suggested taking a 7th grade math class instead of my advanced 6th grade class
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Thu Oct 06, 2011 3:37 am

Lazernugget wrote:
Heisenberg is driving down the road and is pulled over by a cop.
When the officer asks him if he knew how fast he was going, Heisenberg responed by saying, "No officer, but I know exactly where I am!"
This one's quite good. I've probably heard it before, but I'll definitely use it.
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Thu Oct 06, 2011 5:18 am

There are three kinds of people in this world.Those who can count, and those who can't.
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Thu Oct 06, 2011 5:51 am

Darkshadow1223 wrote:
There are three kinds of people in this world.Those who can count, and those who can't.
Actually, there are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary and those who don't.

Also, Chuck Norris built Rome in a day.
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Thu Oct 06, 2011 6:50 pm

(No offense Lazer, but if your teacher suggest a 7th grade course instead of a 6th, that's not too far ahead... From what I've gathered, 7th would still be quite easy for you.)

What video games do nuns play?
MMAmen - UFCthelight - iMMortal Kombat

- 3D
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Fri Oct 07, 2011 12:02 am

Lazernugget wrote:


*My math teacher suggested taking a 7th grade math class instead of my advanced 6th grade class

7th grade isn't really a huge lead unless you find yourself in an Honors Algebra class (Which I think is a high school course in most of the country) or in geometry. Being a grade ahead isn't exactly too much of a leap by a math standpoint, depending on what course. Still, good work. I guess

I mean...
*Angry ranting*


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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Fri Oct 07, 2011 12:27 am

Lazernugget wrote:
*My math teacher suggested taking a 7th grade math class instead of my advanced 6th grade class
Accoring to my national test results, I'm 98% smarter than my entire age group in Australia. Trollface

ON TOPIC

One.
How many psychics does it take to change a lightbulb?
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Fri Oct 07, 2011 1:23 am

2. One to hold the bulb in place, one to find out how to turn the universe.

At least I think that's the joke you're using.

Oh, and Kitty, that's really cool. I'm better at math than any kid they've ever had at my school. Hurrah for smart-ness.

3DBlenderRender wrote:
(No offense Lazer, but if your teacher suggest a 7th grade course instead of a 6th, that's not too far ahead... From what I've gathered, 7th would still be quite easy for you.)


- 3D

Yeah. 7th grade math is easy. WHY WON'T YOU GIVE ME PRE-CALCULUS OR ALGEBRA II!?
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Fri Oct 07, 2011 5:11 am

Lazernugget wrote:
2. One to hold the bulb in place, one to find out how to turn the universe.

At least I think that's the joke you're using.
I guess being good at math doesn't really make one "smart" in the practical sense.
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sun Oct 09, 2011 12:38 pm

"Go on eBay and gets some skill. "

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sun Oct 09, 2011 5:11 pm

All this speak of math has put me in a math joke mood:
100% of people who give 110% don't understand math.

The big Boss wrote:

I mean...
*Angry ranting*
XD
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sun Feb 19, 2012 6:13 am

This thread needs to be brought back to life.

George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Bill Clinton and George Bush are on a plane. George Washington says "I want to make my country happy" So he throws one dollar bills off the plane.

Abraham Lincoln says "Oh yeah? I'm going to make my country even happier" So he throws five dollar bills off the plane.

Bill Clinton says "Hyuck Hyuck you guys hadn't seen nutin' yet" And he throws George Bush off the plane.

(copypasta'd from Serebii)
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sun Feb 19, 2012 8:18 am

Bill Clinton had the right idea there. XD

Hey, what did the tick say when it landed on the moon.
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Mon Feb 20, 2012 12:24 am

"I know this guy who had a butler who had lost his left arm. Serves him right."

"A pirate walks into a bar, looking like a typical pirate: peg leg, hook, and eye patch. The bar tender says: 'Hey! What happened to you? Last time you were here you were whole!'

The pirate sits down and replies: 'What do you mean?'
'Well, last time you were here you didn't have that peg leg. What happened?'
'Arr, yes. I was raiding a trade ship and a loose cannonball struck me leg and tore it off, but the nurse fixed me up with this peg leg.'

'What about that hook? Did a cannonball take that as well?'
'No, I was dueling the captain of another trade ship, and he cut of me hand with his sword, but the nurse fixed me up with this hook.'

The bar tender thought for a moment, then asked: 'Did you lose your eye from a stray bullet?'
'No, that's not it at all. I was standing on me ship, lookin' at the sky and a bird flew overhead and pooped in me eye.'

The bar tender double takes. 'So what? A bird pooped in my eye and it's still there!'
'Aye, but you didn't have a hook.'"
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Mon Feb 20, 2012 6:19 am

That pirate one was very clever. Reminds me of another pirate joke I heard...

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender says, "What's with the steering wheel in your pants?"

The pirate says, "Arr! It be drivin' me nuts!"
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Today at 7:09 am

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